Tag Archive | survivor

9 Seconds! Make a call – Save a Life

42767There was very little conversation being had in church about Domestic Violence. We talked about dating, marriage, tithing, stewardship and spiritual gifts. Pause –if you read the pervious 2 sentences at a normal pace, that was about 9 seconds. As I was saying…There was a ministry for everything from the church van to the community concerns (Candle Night out) but no one was talking about the black eye the Sunday School teacher often had. (9seconds). We were told ‘you are fearfully and wonderfully made’ but our young men and women weren’t reaffirmed in their self esteem in our Sunday School or Youth Group to know what that means. (9 seconds) We sang Jesus loves me, but when it came to it – did we know how that love had different meanings in each home? (9 seconds) Domestic violence comes in many forms (physical, emotional, sexual, financial, elder abuse) and over 10 years ago a 501c3  (9 seconds) organization-Preciouslyfe was formed to boldly have a faith based conversation about it. (9 seconds) Preciouslyfe (Now My Tattered Brim) continues to work, speak, encourage and pray for change, education and awareness of abuse. (9 seconds)

Be aware and have the conversations. The first National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, released on December 14, 2011, reveals the alarming magnitude of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking and dating violence in America. In the time it took to read the first paragraph of this post- according the US Justice Department – about 7 people  were victims of domestic violence. Do the math. 7 people a minute. 60 minutes. 420 victims an hour.


Among states, Pennsylvania tied for 15th place for women, and ranked 25th place for men, in the lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner. This is why we need your help.

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This Caused 3 Women to Die Today

octonerMany people don’t know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month – even though 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime and an average of 3 women die every day at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.  My Tattered Brim (Preciouslyfe) is a 501c3 organization dedicated to supporting survivors of Domestic Violence by  helping to answer the question ‘I’m out of my abusive environment-now what?’. We provide support, education, life skills training and assistance in the navigation of resources of other Domestic Violence agencies we partner with as survivors rebuild their lives. Continue reading

Forgiveness is not a Fluffy Cloud

There was a time that I thought some things were absolutely unforgivable. There was an imaginary scale in my head that weighed the offense and eked out the level of forgiveness 236036486_aa115b80that it was worthy of. I justified my right to own the hatred that I felt for my abusive ex-boyfriend. He had taken enough so I was not willing to give him any more of me, including my forgiveness. My angry mind rationalized that forgiveness would send a message that his actions were OK, even when my reality mind knows that notion isn’t true.

What I have come to grips with is that forgiveness is not an endorsement nor is it a hug wrapped in rainbows, fluffy clouds and harp music. Forgiveness is not a warm fuzzy feeling that puts you in the mindset of running through a field of flowers, smiling with the sun beaming as if you were singing about the hills being alive in the Sound of Music. In spite of how it feels, forgiveness is a choice.

I have heard it said that forgiveness is setting someone free and freedom is not what I wanted for this person. The truth of the matter is that the real prisoner was me.  I was holding myself captive. I stayed bound in my anger where  I was insulated from being in any situation where I could be hurt in anyway. I’ve become supergirl-tv-review-heat-vision-angerhypersensitive, acutely aware and ready to protect my children and me from the slightest external infraction. When looking at life through the lens of this seething anger, you see threats everywhere. A person in a store line accidentally stepping on my daughters foot required quick action to protect her when it was just an accident.

For years I was full of hatred and rage for not only my abuser but also memories of my mothers. I vowed to break the cycle and never have my children, sisters or brothers, nieces or nephews be victims of abuse. Un-forgiveness held me prisoner. The person that I have wished a house to fall on kept on living his life, unaware and probably apathetic to the depth of my hurt, anger and bitterness. To truly be an example, I’ve learned that I need to follow the ultimate example. God himself asks us to forgive those who have wronged us. (Colossians 3:13) Nowhere did I read it was an easy thing to do. As I’ve UnderHerBrim_Blogcommitted to the hard work of forgiveness, releasing my abuser and the dark, ugly pit of anger has made room for the beautiful things like joy, peace, love and gratitude. While forgiveness isn’t always easy it is worth the effort as I reclaim my freedom Under my Tattered Brim.

This firefighter-paramedic proposed to the domestic violence victim he helped save

Did you see this article? A victorious Survivor! Hey you…yes, YOU reading this….You ARE amazing! ~ Stay Fabulous!

by Elahe Izadi

safe_imageMelissa Dohme — a domestic violence survivor and advocate — stepped to the plate and prepared to throw out the first pitch at Monday night’s Tampa Bay Rays game. Her boyfriend, Cameron Hill, ran out on the field and handed her the ball. Scribbled on it were four words: “Will you marry me?”

A surprised Dohme kissed Hill, marveled at her ring and somehow still managed to throw the pitch.

She also said yes.

The pair first crossed paths on Jan. 24, 2012. Dohme had been stabbed 32 times by her ex-boyfriend. Hill, a firefighter-paramedic, found Dohme covered in blood and on the pavement outside of her house in Clearwater.

“It was so bad. You couldn’t tell she was blond,” Hill told the Tampa Bay Times in 2013. Hill loaded Dohme onto the helicopter. He later said “for some reason, I didn’t think it would be the last time I was going to see her.”

Dohme’s ex-boyfriend, Robert Lee Burton Jr., had stabbed her repeatedly in the face and neck. Two bystanders called 911 during the horrific attack that began when Burton came by Dohme’s house to give her a hug, according to prosecutors.

Burton pleaded guilty to attempted murder and was sentenced to life without parole.

[Nearly a third of U.S. women have experienced domestic violence]

“Both of their lives will never be the same,” the judge said during the sentencing hearing.

But, Dohme told WFLA in 2013: “By a miracle, I am still here.”

From the Tampa Bay Times:

Melissa, then 20, spent three weeks in the hospital, flat-lining four times and suffering nerve damage that partly paralyzed one side of her face. To the surprise of her doctors, she left rehab walking on her own. She traveled to Europe. She went back to school, her drive to become a nurse even stronger.

In the fall of 2012, two of her first responders surprised her when she spoke at a church. Cameron was one. They hugged, and made plans to meet again.

“I had this feeling about him,” she said.

By December, the two were dating. Dohme said in 2013 that part of her doesn’t want to be upset anymore about what happened in 2012 “because I met Cameron out of it.”

Dohme went on to become an advocate for domestic violence survivors and repeatedly shared her story about tragedy and triumph. She threw the first pitch at Monday’s game as a representative of Hands Across the Bay, a nonprofit supporting Tampa Bay families.

“If you believe there’s good in the world then you’ll find it,” Dohme said in 2013. “I believe he’s the answer to my prayers that I’ve prayed all the time.”

Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/wp/2015/05/12/emt-proposes-at-rays-game-to-domestic-violence-victim-he-helped-save/

GFQ: Are you More Beautiful Than You Think?

ImagesLooking over my life and the lives of family, friends and others I’ve worked with in PLM (now My Tattered Brim) low self-esteem is a an ugly, choking common thread that is in the root of many unwise decisions. Who am I kidding flat out bad decisions and bad choices. Continue reading

Victim of Domestic Violence??? How Did I Get Here?

Never!! Never!! NEVER!!!

I NEVER thought I would see the day when I was in a domestic violence situation. I am smarter than that. I know whatDomestic-violence-counseling-in-ann-arbor domestic violence is….I’ve seen it in my childhood and vowed it would never happen to me. No man will ever do to me, the things that I’ve seen my Mother endure. Never. Continue reading