My friends and I are all women of a certain age who agree to be over the dating scene. We have married and divorced, date, raised our families, loved, lost and are in the ‘I’m Every Woman era of ME’ rebuilding phase of our lives. One girls night-in we got together for movie night and continued the dating conversation over snacks with the silly shenanigans of a RomCom – He’s Just Not that Into You.
Intelligent, bold, classy, educated, confident, experienced and beautiful communicators are a few of the words that describes the audience of 8 positioned around the room. Totaling over 350 years of life – we outwardly judged naïve ‘lil Gigi while taking silent inward inventory. Ticking off the things that we may or may not admit to have done (or doing) in our experienced, intelligent, educated and confident selves.
Organically a game of quotes and admissions of our Gigi moments began to drowned out the tv. No matter the voice or experience of the woman…. justification was the common thread. No matter how ludicrous or glaringly obvious you heard:
- I called him repeatedly because I could tell his phone was off because he would never dump ME into voicemail.
- I read it somewhere to let him know what I like so I told him how I enjoyed it when we did XYZ like before to communicate. I mean he still has never done it again but you know how it is, we are beyond that now.
My favorite is when we do it to ourselves the justification because of the disdain for restarting the exhausting process. Meeting the representative, analyzing every move, holding breath for the red flags that always find a way to pop out after the first 30 days….
- Because I don’t want to hold him responsible for my exes stuff, I want to make sure I am not getting all worked up because of XYZ before I make it a red flag.
Some of the quotes that prompted admissions, more wine to be poured and final admissions that no matter our resolve we all had our Patti LaBelle – If You Don’t Know Me by Now experience when we think it’s us “….so you fasten your clothes, you check your speech and you check your drag, and everything else, your face…and you find out you’re still in trouble’ Here were some of the quotes we knew and heard that resonated with us because we heard it, saw it or was told by that family member. There were about 20 but these all were glass-refillers, tears invokers or points of resolve to not have it happen again-ers:
- “A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it’s because he’s showing up at your new residence in person… if he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he’s just not that into you.”
- “If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll make an effort to be in it. So don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay.”
- “When you are important to another person, that person will always find a way to make time for you. No excuses, no lies, no broken promises.”
- “So trust me when I say if a guy is acting like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit.”
- “You text him, he doesn’t text back. He was obviously so excited that you texted him that he fainted.”
- “If he misses you, he’ll call. If he wants you, he’ll say it. And if he cares, he’ll show it. If not, he can’t be worth your time because you’re obviously not worth his.”
- “You’re either the exception or the rule.”
- “I deserve somebody who gives a shit.”
- “I didn’t come here to tell you that I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to.”
- “I love you SO much, SO MUCH. And I wanna make you happy. I need to make you happy for me to even have a shot at being happy.”
- “Look, all I’m saying is, if a guy doesn’t call me, I would like to reserve the right to call him at 15 minute intervals until he picks up.”
- “If I want to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex, I don’t go get a new haircut, I update my profile.”
So here is the Girlfriend Question of the Day…which one(s) resonates with you? Have you ignored the obvious because you really love him or despise the idea of starting over? What would you add to the conversation with us girls here Under Your Brim?