Enough is enough, I have had it up to here with you violators! Believe me when I tell you….YES..,there are bathroom rules. Ladies, while they may not be spoken of, we all know that these rules DO exist! Well, I am going to pull back the curtain of secrecy and give you all a glimpse of these rules and will start by sharing my top 3, there are others but these 3 are crucial. Feel free to chime in and share your own but these will all seem familiar to someone.
Rule # 1: If you and I walk into the bathroom together and we are talking, the conversation ends when we walk into the stalls. – Here’s
the short version of the real life event of this rule being violated. I walk into the ladies room with another person, we are making small talk and we go into our separate stalls. All of a sudden through the sound of rushing water and other biological noises the other person keeps talking! REALLY??!! Soooo how are the (poot…poot) kids doing? NO ma’am. I do not want to yell over your biological chorus in order to continue this conversation….it can wait! No…I don’t want to talk to you over the sound of a flushing toilet and I don’t want to talk to you while I am washing my hands and you are still in the stall violating rule #2. So remember, when the stall doors close – the conversation ends.
Rule #2: If the ladies room has more than one stall in it, do NOT putrefy atmosphere of the entire ladies room with your lactose intolerant intestinal rebellion response in the very first stall. If you decide to do so…please remember rule #1. NO ONE wants to talk to you because it would mean that they would have to stop holding their breath to respond. Do the world a favor and take that drama to the stall farthest from the entrance, keep your mouth shut and handle your business. Keep your lactose intolerant-self away from the office ice-cream social or invest in Beano for future flare-ups. If you decide to violate this rule (or any others) please, please, please at least take the time to WASH YOUR HANDS…always! Remember – The last stall is where you let all of that drama fall.
Rule #3: DO NOT think that you are so cool with everyone that will come into the bathroom that closing the stall door is not
necessary. I cannot make this stuff up. YES this really did happen to me. The person was violating rule #1 and mid-sentence walked into a stall plopped down bare-a#$@ on a public toilet with the stall door open and proceeded to pee. There are no words that can describe how fast I washed my hands and ran out of there like I was being chased in a horror move. Yup…to this day I avoid that chick like the Bubonic plague. You may think you have a solid relationship with someone and feel comfy to share alllllll of that, but before you force that visual and extreme awkward situation on a person that sees you as an almost stranger….be concrete sure that you do.
There are others…like how much personal hygiene is appropriate to perform in a public restroom, but I think we are all skeeeved out enough for now. Sooooo Divas, the next time you are in the ladies room, please be mindful of these rules. If you are socially awkward and find that you have violated them, it’s OK you can redeem yourself by remembering these courtesy rules from now on. There you go, you’re welcome!